Start the conversation by listening
A good place to start is with what your kids have heard and already think they know about the vaccine, says Holly Schiff, a licensed clinical psychologist in Greenwich, Connecticut. “Give them the opportunity to air their questions and concerns so you can address them head-on and provide answers that reassure your child that you are making this decision solely for their health and safety,” she says. Before COVID, regular vaccination was simply baked into our children’s office visits, so this is a fairly new conversation to have with kids, particularly those who haven’t turned 12 yet. But with the impact the disease has had on our lives and the regular vaccine coverage across all news media, this shot feels different. As such, discussions around it should be different. The conversation may be easier than you expect. Many children are excited and eager to get the vaccine, because they understand that it’s the best way to return to a semi-normal life, says Jeannine Jannot, a developmental psychologist in Georgia. In Massachusetts, for example, schools that reach 80 percent vaccination can apply for a waiver of the state-wide school mask mandate. But no matter what your kids say in those early conversations, take their concerns and fears seriously. Your goal is to help your child build trust, and part of that is making sure they feel heard. While you are the one providing the legal consent for their medical procedures, it’s important for your kids to feel like they have given permission—and that goes for just about all areas of pediatric medicine, says Diamond. Talk with them about the vaccine’s potential side effects, which are far more mild than actually getting COVID, Schiff says. Explain your own experience with the vaccine. If you can, let them talk with grandparents, aunts, uncles, babysitters, and friends who have already received the shot. My kids, for example, know that one family member’s arm hurt for a few days, and that I had a fever and flu-like symptoms after my second shot. These honest conversations also offer a fantastic teaching opportunity into the importance of research, Jannot says. Whatever their questions are, work together to find the answers. Many of our children have been exposed to the rampant misinformation spreading around the world, and may have developed their own misinterpretations of correct information. Take this time to dig into some of the real scientific information with them, at an age-appropriate level, of course. And consider scheduling a consultation with their pediatrician to let them ask questions directly. “Give them the respect to have their concerns addressed,” Schiff says. If you do decide to have your child vaccinated without their buy-in, it’s important to talk about why. Jannot recommends framing this conversation around safety. Remind them that you require them to wear a seatbelt in the car, use a helmet while riding a bike, and look both ways or hold hands while crossing the street, even when they don’t want to, in order to keep them safe. Let them know that based on the research you’ve done and the conversations you’ve had with their doctor, you believe getting vaccinated will keep them safe. And that sometimes parents make their kids do things they don’t want to do in the name of safety.
Set clear expectations and make promises you can keep
When it comes time to actually get the vaccine, the conversations aren’t over. Every step of the way, work to reassure your child, just like you would with any other medical procedure. Diamond recommends reminding them several days in advance. If they’re nervous, try some role playing to get them comfortable. Diamond uses this technique with her own daughter. “We’ve done lots of play with her dolls and toys, and pretending to get vaccines and see the doctor for checkups is common for us,” Diamond says. You can also try to plan something special for that part of the day—an approach Jannot recommends. If your child has a favorite stuffed animal, let them bring it with them. Have them wear their favorite outfit to help them feel confident. Promise them a trip to their favorite restaurant afterward. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with a little bit of bribery to keep them motivated—the rule in my house is that if a doctor or nurse sticks a needle in you for any reason, you get ice cream. But never make promises you might not be able to keep, Jannot warns. Breaking a promise can undermine the trust you’ve worked so hard to build. And ice cream.
